Disclaimer: I did not know I would need to perform* social duties last night. I would have managed to avoid some of the following.

IF, I were trying to impress last night, here is a list of things I really would not have done;

1) Nearly poison myself with garlic the day before. Honestly, I nearly killed myself with some garlic bread the Padre prepared. Everyone be grateful I have my own office, at least 20 metres away from the nearest human.

2) Spend 40 minutes moving heavy furniture before venturing out. It was humid and there were stairs involved. I managed a pommy wash, but I still stank. Classy, I know.

3) Turn up late, really late. Just late in the evening, not late for the agreed time. Get it? I'm not that much of a pig.

4) Spark up a cigarette seconds before the victim appears at the door. At least it disguised the body odour, briefly.

5) Demonstrate my worst driving performance, ever. I think she stifled a laugh at one point.

6) Skull beers like I would rather be anywhere else. At least the victim knew my drinking habits. We were both comfortable with this.

Luckily, I have a terrific ability for listening. It is pretty amazing for someone so deaf, really. I did manage some wit, I did get some laughing. The laughter was mostly with me, not at me (I am comfortable with both). If I hear from her, it can't have been all bad?

* Sometimes, it really does feel like performing. Think of John Nash in "A Beautiful Mind". It is essentially fluid exchange. I can be like that, sorry. On the flip side, with some people I can have great conversations. I do rely heavily on body language. Hence my dislike for email and phone conversations. I need the nuances, I endlessly utilise nuances. There is a very fine line between my sincerity and sarcasm. Sometimes even I don't know, seriously.