Okay, firstly, a disclaimer, if you are the squeamish sort, avert your eyes. This might be more your style. Behold below a tale of mammoth stupidity.
So late last year, I went on a trip. A long trip. I had driven about 13 hours non stop. In a 12 seater van, filled to capacity. I was towing a large car trailer, with car. And the van was automatic, 3 speeds with overdrive. Very painful. So, pulled up at the pre-arranged accomodation at 3:40am. Little bit of shut eye and awake again at 7:40am, to travel the remaining 300km or so. Start off with a shower, as is my customary morning behaviour. The trick that day was the wet towel lying over the back of the chair, which significantly altered the centre of gravity. I bumped the chair, ever so slightly, then watched awestruck, in a sleep deprived dazed state, as the chair rapidly descended towards my toe. CLUNK! That was my toe. That really hurt. It went black straight away.
S:"FUCK ME!"
So the thing was, I was the only driver insured to drive the van. Of course the chair had fallen heavily on my throttle toe. Anyway, after gathering the troops, we ventured forth, with my toe throbbing like a clubber's night out. So every 3 seconds or so, for about 2 hours, my toe would go; throb, here I am you stupid bastard! I must say I commented on this with increasing frequency. It was suggested early on that I take to it with a power drill. I readily dismissed such folly, for about two hours. Then I stopped.
S:"Alright, get me the drill."
C:"Are you serious?"
S:"Fuck yeah, where are the drill bits?"
C:"They are in the case...Oh, hang on this is the smallest (3.5mm). I'll get a smaller one." Forages in the trailer for 5 minutes.
S:"Fuck it, just give me the drill."
So there I am, on the side of the Sturt Highway, cordless drill in hand, 3.5mm drill bit place, drilling my toenail. I shit you not. Yes, it really hurt, but the throbbing went away, and I even went running later that evening. Later discussions were revealing.
S:"So how many of you idiots have drilled a nail?"
4 hands go up.
A:"Yeah, but never with something that big, ya dickhead!"
True, a smaller drill bit would have been a treat. I have even heard consequently that a heated needle does a great job. Nevertheless, I highly recommend drilling out a badly throbbing nail, seriously.
So late last year, I went on a trip. A long trip. I had driven about 13 hours non stop. In a 12 seater van, filled to capacity. I was towing a large car trailer, with car. And the van was automatic, 3 speeds with overdrive. Very painful. So, pulled up at the pre-arranged accomodation at 3:40am. Little bit of shut eye and awake again at 7:40am, to travel the remaining 300km or so. Start off with a shower, as is my customary morning behaviour. The trick that day was the wet towel lying over the back of the chair, which significantly altered the centre of gravity. I bumped the chair, ever so slightly, then watched awestruck, in a sleep deprived dazed state, as the chair rapidly descended towards my toe. CLUNK! That was my toe. That really hurt. It went black straight away.
S:"FUCK ME!"
So the thing was, I was the only driver insured to drive the van. Of course the chair had fallen heavily on my throttle toe. Anyway, after gathering the troops, we ventured forth, with my toe throbbing like a clubber's night out. So every 3 seconds or so, for about 2 hours, my toe would go; throb, here I am you stupid bastard! I must say I commented on this with increasing frequency. It was suggested early on that I take to it with a power drill. I readily dismissed such folly, for about two hours. Then I stopped.
S:"Alright, get me the drill."
C:"Are you serious?"
S:"Fuck yeah, where are the drill bits?"
C:"They are in the case...Oh, hang on this is the smallest (3.5mm). I'll get a smaller one." Forages in the trailer for 5 minutes.
S:"Fuck it, just give me the drill."
So there I am, on the side of the Sturt Highway, cordless drill in hand, 3.5mm drill bit place, drilling my toenail. I shit you not. Yes, it really hurt, but the throbbing went away, and I even went running later that evening. Later discussions were revealing.
S:"So how many of you idiots have drilled a nail?"
4 hands go up.
A:"Yeah, but never with something that big, ya dickhead!"
True, a smaller drill bit would have been a treat. I have even heard consequently that a heated needle does a great job. Nevertheless, I highly recommend drilling out a badly throbbing nail, seriously.
posted by snorks at 12:18 am
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