My "Aunt" has just completed a trip to Beijing, China with her partner. When I arrived back in the country she asked if I would be kind enough to look after her "idyllic" country retreat. I agreed, looking forward to quiet time. My duties were thus:

• Water the plants
• Water the herd of cows
• Feed the chicken
• Relocate and feed the goat, Ruby
• Water and feed the dog, Daisy
• Feed the cat, Stupid

Dead easy. What really happened?

• Pre-Friday: Something organic crawled under the house and died.
• Saturday: Circuit breaker unexplicably trips. My efforts to remedy the situation are without effect. This, in a house that has previously suffered serious damage in an electrical fire.
• Sunday: Provide defence against one of the raging "infernos" of Victoria.
• Monday: Render both the stereo and television inoperable.
  

My Aunt will be thrilled when she arrives home. How's the serenity?